TL;DR: I spent hours cooking my girlfriend a special birthday dinner, but she kept complaining about every little thing - the seasoning, the texture, the presentation. I finally snapped and we had a huge fight on her birthday. Now I'm wondering if I'm the asshole.
My girlfriend's birthday was yesterday, and I wanted to make it special. I'm not a professional chef by any means, but I can hold my own in the kitchen. I decided to cook her favorite meal - a three-course dinner with appetizers, main course, and dessert.
I spent the entire afternoon prepping:
I cleaned the apartment, set the table with our nice dishes, lit candles, and even put on some soft music. I was really proud of what I'd put together.
When she got home from work, she seemed tired but appreciative of the effort. That changed once we sat down to eat.
First, she picked at the bruschetta, saying the bread was "too crispy" and the tomatoes "could use more salt." I brushed it off and said I'd adjust for next time.
Then came the main course. She took one bite of the chicken and said, "The sauce is a bit too lemony, don't you think?" She then proceeded to dissect the mashed potatoes, saying they were "a little lumpy" and the asparagus was "overcooked."
At this point, I was getting frustrated. I'd spent hours on this meal, and she was criticizing every component. I tried to stay calm and said, "I'm sorry it's not perfect, but I worked really hard on this for your birthday."
What really set me off was when she pushed her plate away and said, "Maybe we should just order pizza. This isn't really hitting the spot for my birthday dinner."
I lost it. I told her she was being ungrateful and that I'd put my heart into making this special for her. She fired back that she shouldn't have to pretend to like food just because it was her birthday, and that if I was going to cook for her, I should make something she actually enjoys.
We ended up in a screaming match where she accused me of ruining her birthday, and I accused her of being impossible to please. The night ended with her crying in the bedroom and me sleeping on the couch.
This morning, she's still not speaking to me. Her friends are texting me saying I'm an asshole for fighting with her on her birthday. My friends are split - some say she was being unreasonable, others say I should have just let it go since it was her special day.
On one hand, I know birthdays are supposed to be about making the person feel special, and I definitely failed at that by getting into a fight. I could have handled my frustration better and just ordered the pizza to keep the peace.
On the other hand, I feel like her constant criticism of something I worked so hard on was hurtful and ungrateful. A simple "thank you for the effort" would have gone a long way, even if the food wasn't perfect.
I'm torn between feeling like I overreacted and feeling like my feelings were valid. What do you think?
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