A frustrated couple at a dinner table, a plate of untouched food between them, the woman looking at the man with a conflicted expression, a young girl with her arms crossed looking away, soft focus, emotional domestic scene.
A frustrated couple at a dinner table, a plate of untouched food between them, the woman looking at the man with a conflicted expression, a young girl with her arms crossed looking away, soft focus, emotional domestic scene.

AITA for Making My Fiancé's Daughter's Picky Eating Habits a Deal Breaker for Us Marrying?

Posted by u/ThrowRA_PickyEater

I (32F) have been with my fiancé Mark (35M) for three years, engaged for six months. Mark has a daughter, Lily (8F), from his previous marriage. Lily is an extremely picky eater, and this has become a major source of tension in our relationship.

Lily's diet consists of basically four things: chicken nuggets, plain pasta with butter, grilled cheese, and pizza. She won't touch vegetables, fruits, or any protein that isn't breaded and fried. Mark has always catered to this, making separate meals for her and never pushing her to try new foods.

The problem has escalated since we moved in together six months ago. I'm someone who loves cooking and trying new recipes. I believe in balanced meals and exposing children to different foods. But every meal has become a battle. Either I cook three separate meals (one for me, one for Mark, and Lily's "safe" food), or we all eat what Lily will eat, which means endless chicken nuggets and plain pasta.

I've tried everything - involving Lily in cooking, making food fun, offering small tastes of new things. But Mark undermines me every time. If Lily refuses to try something, he immediately makes her a grilled cheese instead. He says I'm "too hard" on her and that she'll grow out of it.

The breaking point came last week when we were planning our wedding menu. I wanted to have a nice sit-down dinner with options that would appeal to adults. Mark insisted we needed to have chicken nuggets and mac and cheese on the menu specifically for Lily. When I suggested she could eat before the wedding or we could bring her a separate meal, he said that would make her feel excluded and that "family means accommodating each other."

I told him I couldn't marry into a situation where I'm expected to cater to a child's limited palate for the rest of my life. I said if he wasn't willing to work on expanding Lily's food horizons and stop enabling her picky eating, then we shouldn't get married.

Now Mark is furious, saying I'm being unreasonable and that I knew he came with a child when we started dating. His family is calling me selfish and saying I'm putting food preferences above love. But to me, it's not about the food - it's about parenting philosophies, family dynamics, and what our future life together would look like.

So, AITA for making this a deal breaker?

UPDATE: Thank you for all the responses. After reading through the comments and having several difficult conversations with Mark, we've decided to postpone the wedding and seek family counseling. Mark has agreed that we need to be on the same page about parenting, and we're both committed to working through this with professional help. Lily has started seeing a feeding therapist, and we're taking small steps together. It's not easy, but we're both trying to find middle ground.

The prompt for this was: AITA for making my fiancé's daughters picky eating habits a deal breaker for us marrying?

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